I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
