I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
