We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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