i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
