i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
