wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
