I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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