it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
NoShamevember. You game?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
