I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
