When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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