No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
soo... how was my night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
