YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
