I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
