OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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