I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
