I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
