I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
