Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
