Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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