I accidentally had phone sex last night
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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