Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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