so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
