im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
