I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
