i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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