I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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