I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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