She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
