her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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