u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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