Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
