I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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