is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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