first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
