Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
