I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
