I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
