Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
