its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
