Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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