I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
