i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
