While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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