dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
