He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
