Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
