She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
