yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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