ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
