What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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