if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I party with great urgency now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
