he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
